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Blinders and Binders

Used to be all that mattered to me was what you thought
Used to be what you thought was that I was everything you wanted, tho you knew I was exactly what you needed
Now I know you’re nothing of what I expected nor am I anything you can handle
You thought you could make me change my ways
I shone a light on thoughts and intentions of those who surrounded you till y’all parted ways
Funny how many I saw thru while you refused to make even so much as an attempt for me the same
In vain, so plain, you’d explain
How Everyday you suffered in pain
Silently I caressed every inch,
Trying my best to chase it all away
For some time, I know, you almost forgot that agony
How do I know? You used to wake up just happy
So happy and you used to just hold me
I felt so tiny and safe, like you wouldn’t believe
There was no place I wanted to be more
Then wrapped in my shield that forgot he was so sore, holding me “the way a man should”
Head on your chest, our legs intertwined
Looking back it’s so sad, all that was left behind
You made a point of celebrating me in so many ways
Even before that special day
One year later and you got up and walked away, okay if I’m being honest maybe it was me who stayed.
Whatever the case that was the first time I thought we might not be okay
You once went out of your way to make sure I was a part of everyday
Now you only seek to pull us apart in every way
You want to place blame?
Well hunny that’s a shame
Why don’t you go back to the beginning and try this again
You wonder where you lost me, it was when you stopped lookin
Lookin for or at me, when you started looking past and thru me
When you stopped listening for me it made it so impossible to hear me
Implausible, they say you fear me
Won’t let yourself get near me
Refusing to hear a sound, muzzled now
Like I’m 6′ under ground
You couldn’t hear me, even when I screamed
Blinders and binders they latch onto you
The earthly trail grounds you now
No air time, left me,
Hanging
Out to dry or just for dead?
Either way I ain’t waiting round to be found
I may have been lost this whole time, sadly tho I don’t believe you were ever even really there

by

Darkmess

One tiny little slip .
Oh just an itty bitty fall.
That was the beginning and the end of it all.
All wrapped up.
No bandages, no ties.
No need to cut us free.
Here it is just you and me.
Nothing to hold on to.
Nothing to let go.
We came together so fluidly.
You poured yourself right into me.
While I poured myself all over you.
Spilling past those lips and hips and on to the floor.
Spilling far more than you bargained for.
Definitely more than you’d like to clean up.
I make a mess of everyone I know.
Just like a butterfly I put on a show.
Fluttering from one sputtering heart to the next. Shuddering my windows cuz I know darkness best.
All the colours merely masquerading.
See I colour where most are shading.
In shadows flashy, splashy, squirting colors all around.
Acrylic pours from different floors.
In comes the wind slamming all the doors.
Fanatically on all fours examining my work.
Colour dripping from my hair but I don’t care.
So long as you’re enjoying the view.
Finally taking a step back to look at you.
Instantaneously I can see you’re thru.
All the colour it seems, has drained from you.
Tried telling me to stop, deafly I tried explaining to you.
Blindly you tell me my masterful work is nothing more than a mess you don’t care to see.
That’s when I realize you were not meant for me.
My mess once again enveloped a man.
He had no where left to stand.
How then could he lend a hand.
Worse, how now do I still not understand?

by

I’mmortal

I know you think you see thru me cuz in many ways we are one in the same
Tho what you seem to forget is in many ways I am one of a kind
I don’t follow the status quo, in fact I’m generally inclined to move against the flow
Honestly if you’d actually hear me out, you might finally see what I’m talkin’ ’bout
Instead of judgment of others based on old facts, nothing new
Makes it really hard to find any other view
There are many angles at which you may assess a situation or person
Sometimes things get tangled, information askew, may become perversion
Just as there are many sides to a story, paths taken to get to the same destination can contrast drastically too
Empty all the pride, set aside all the glory, past: shakin’ like a game it all changes fast and so dramatically
What you see and what you hear are not often similar to the thoughts that fill my head
Who you be when you’re here might soften your climb into my bed
Tho what you think or calculate ain’t often that clear
Even when you show your work, you can still miss the mark dear
Sure I may let you pass
Oftentimes I just would rather not fight and attempt to forcefully tilt your head
Such a miniscule difference at times can tip the world on such an axis that it will make your head spin
I realize you’ve been played and hurt before and you think our similarities are somehow lost here
Tho found you are my dear
Like the key to your house being attached mysteriously to the one for your car
Open up maybe you don’t have to actually let me in but I’ll tell ya now, as if you don’t already know
The more you open up, the more truth you’ll find shown
Not merely my truth but the universal reality
The ultimate epiphany
Not discovered with the methods that are thought to be tried, tested and true
When assessing solutions take a chance once in a while and start it with a clear slate
Let the blanks remain without guestimated hypotheses
Wait to physically touch or see the answer on its own
I don’t want you to be vulnerable, just to be more aware of all the variables
Instead of colour by number, wait to stumble into a masterpiece
Release, let fumble, allow it to roll
Maybe you can cross this bridge without a toll
You may or may not know the greatest beauty sprouts from some of the darkest pains
If you look hard enough you may see the light inside this darkened place
Lighthearted laughter before the show, doesn’t have to equal disaster you know.
Look me right in the face and tell me to stay Only to turn and walk the other way?
Still I try and best believe I’ll try again, I will always get back up, I will always live again
This will never be the end

by

Love Flame

Thinkin’ ’bout what makes you so hyper aware,

What makes you tick as time tocks

Drinkin’ down my mistakes like air, to prove you’re there

As feelings stick, your line locks

Refusing to acknowledge the desire for anything of depth

Claiming to only want instant gratification

Choosing not to walk off the ledge so onto the wire you step

In the water you wade in the depths seemingly equal to the level of depravity

The kindness of which you impart, excusing it as self satisfying

Unless trouble is stayed you’re clinging like gravity

Blindness a switch, leave them in the dark

Your muse now you magnify

Purposeful double plays, stringing together a plot like your mad at me

Hiding your truth behind these huge walls

Burying yourself in distractions cuz you can’t admit what’s happened

Biding time till it calls

Sturdy yourself, be mindful of your actions

They tend to give your intentions away

I sink my teeth in but I won’t bite through

Feeding, now to dust I am a mite

It feels scary the weight of being in your sights

Weary of the fight, unsure which way is right

Try this time to unveil yourself anew, hell maybe even allow me to get close to you

You believe time is limited for people, like periods in a game

To use it up so fast you claim would be such a shame

Little do you know we’ve been given lifetimes to grow together this way

Fire may be dangerous and make you nervous to ignite

That’s only because fire you usually see only causes destruction

Less often it sparks something within a heart that will eternally burn

I’ll bet you believe after the burn we’ll require reconstruction

The truth is Darlin’ our fire only burns what you allow it to so believe me when I say the words I love you

by

Lawnmower

Truth be told it was the one thing you could never hold
Stranglehold on every other shaped reality
Not scared nor freight only running in flight
Grasping at anything in sight that could let you flee
No reason to feel
Nothing for you was more real than the insatiable urge to break what’s healed
To raise the bar on what I could take
Just how much could you ask me to put at stake
Every millisecond more fake
Already forgotten the pain that onto me you’d pass
Hurting? You couldn’t know pain, ice is all that dwells in those veins
Funny considering thats literally what you’d have me believe
Lil did I know how deep down in the darkness you did bleed
Muddled in sum swampy puddle, too dirty for me to see
Go on back to your seed, the plant you plopped into that plot without a single thought
With only thoughts of spreading like a fucking disease
Beg and plead betcha once again you’re perched on bended knee
Vomiting the villeness for the millionth time unveiling  these virused verses
Sickeningly sweet
Clinging like a leech to any sign of relief
Anything to drag down with you while trying to pull yourself back up again
Oh please
Your feigned affection left nothing to desire but attention
Take a bit of time, really look at that reflection
You’ll find a face made of pure confection
Perfectly posed proposing pitty, that pouty puckered poison.
Putrid, pushy, pretentious, predator pretending to play with it’s prey
Off with its head and shall I find it once more undead
Then off with mine instead
Ill be dead before it slithers again anywhere near my bed

by

Bite of the Apple

For those who see this as some sort of status symbol, let me take you to the start when times were simple

The first bite of the apple as most well know was the very first sin

The first crack in the perfection we’d thought we lived in

Weather the Serpant, Adam or Eve truth be told it don’t matter what you believe, it’s all in what you know

Some believe a simple handheld device has the power to make them part of a higher class, little do they know the money wasted on complete trash

I mean they may as well be constructed entirely of glass, much like Cinderella’s slipper

Tho this story is far more like Snow White, not simply because they have already taken that fatal bite

I wonder what of the flavour bitter or sweet, did deceit taste similar to defeat

Herded amongst the masses, what’s one more sleepy sheep?

All the while they conduct your dreams, a forceful break from reality

Every night faces lit up by screens, what ever it takes to distract from the sound of their neighbours screams

Fear mongering scare tactics not allowing any to speak truth, instead spewing poisonous perversion to soak into our youth

Tracking movements, capturing moments, slowly replacing memories

Some think these devices will insure their status among their peers, yet these same people too aren’t all they appear

Some drink, we all have vices. Some can’t stand is, let them ease their own fears, all they gotta do is grab the wheel n steer

You’d think they’d be leading if they knew so much better

Treating every attack as tho it’s legal chasing your bill just to run ‘er up

Following the snake up the tree, drinking his venom from a sippy cup

Its clear to see not one believe they are equals not even close, everyone is a runner up

Lulled into a false sense of security, when the spell breaks it’s intense and you’re unsure if he’s killed you or if it’s just hell on earth

Pretty bad I guess if the manufacturer had to install suicide nets to save their employees from the eternal escape

Yes the people who build your precious bffs literally built them with blood, sweat, and tears

Still it’s not “The Man” anyone of us fears?

Sickness and injustice everywhere we turn yet we turn on each other and it’s our homes we burn?

Does no one else see what’s happening here, is the smoke still burning your eyes or do you think you ever saw clearly?

Glasses won’t help I’m afraid dear, it’s more than just seeing, it’s more than you hear, you have to feel in your soul that something is very wrong here

If that’s not the case for you I’m sorry to say they already got to you

It’s time we raise up our arms and refuse to be farmed and fooled hell, even framed by those we all know but none dare to name

Just like life on iCloud 9 once after a couple upgrades or a lil dated they no longer update it, won’t trade it, just wothless now that your finally comfortable with the changes and rearranging n they swap em up again can

Can’t say I’m a fan of this game they play

by

Dive

When I think back to that look on your face, those tears in your eyes
They weren’t for my pain
I realize tho they may have been inspired by your sickness
That sickness is defined a lil differently between you and I tho
It’s one I often used to witness
When you bounced back and forth so freely
When you barely even tried to see me
I was just the side bitch then
Oh, how much has changed now?
No, really tho? How much has changed?
At least back then you openly refused to show affection
Love for me was never mentioned
That honestly hurt a whole lot less than months of make believe
At least back then I expected you to leave
I knew I had no chance at a happily ever after
Instead you lead me to living in Lala land awaiting that wedding band
No picket fence, no mini me’s, or mini you’s
I at least had sum tie to reality, I knew who was using who
It’s now a year and at least a lifetime later
I’d forgotten how much I had hated her
More importantly I’d imagine, how much you loved her
Never was I more than a lover
You were just so unsure what else to do without her

Lost


How easy I made it to let it all slip away
Into the deep, the darkness

Down below
All it cost was momentary affection, a wee bit of attention and on with the show
All this time I thought I saw your feelings for me grow
How could I have missed it?
How did I not know?
Just a place holder, space filler, warm blanket in the cold lonely world
Nuthin more than disposable, temporary, sumone for you to throw away,
Here I almost believed you meant to stay
That you may have actually loved me
Yet you act like these are words you’d never say
Should come as no surprise tho honestly considering our past
Now you’re gone, and so insanely fast
I think for a moment you even had yourself fooled
You almost believed your lies too
All this time we thought you were free
Still in a heartbeat you become her feed
The hunger that cannot be satisfied
The thirst that cannot be quenched
It’s as if everything we had died
All that time falls with the spin of a wrench
Knocked you back into blind stupidity
Tho that ain’t true either no matter how badly I’d like to believe
All I think of is that look in your eyes while you cried, still you chose to leave
You can’t tell me you didn’t consider it all in that brief moment
I watched you weigh it.
Twice you asked me to kiss you and told me for the first time in a long time that you loved me knowing it was a lie
The moment you left I broke down sadly I knew you won’t be missing me
I was a complete mess
I already knew right then where you stood and didn’t care to know the rest
I knew deep down where you were about to go
Even the lies you’d use when you came home to put on a show.
You act like you think I’m stupid when I know you know I’m far from
Often it bothers you how smart I can be
Yet you don’t believe I will see?
Don’t do this
It ain’t fair
I won’t do this
You’re not there
Don’t do this

You don’t care
I won’t do this


“Only one” the song you sent me by mistake
The last time I decided there was no more I could take
The day you walked away from recovery, the same day you robotically rejected me
That’s the song you choose to get thru
Like Idk who you’re thinking about every time it plays
Like I don’t see that blank look on your face that fake smile that just stays stuck and empty
Do you have no empathy?
Do you even have a soul?
How can you drag me around thru all this shit just to ditch?
Fuck you for mistreating me
Fuck you for misleading me
Fuck you’re going to miss me
This time I’m done
See I can’t fake for another second that I’m ok with being entirely in love with someone who’s never really even seen me
You’re living life now trapped in that robotic shell of a man
The man who left that message that day somehow managed to evolve
Into an almost functional human
Tho he’s no where near humane
The fact that I’m still thinking about you at all is so fucking insane
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it would end this way
Guess I was hoping that your heart would eventually see the truth and you could beat it
Sorry not sorry, I gotta leave it

by

The Mess of You

The lack of respect shines thru every single thing you do!
From lies to borrowing with or without permission either way there is no appreciation shown let alone care for what isn’t yours!
The same goes with my heart tho it could be yours instead you’re refusing!
Like most things in your life you continue using.
Never fearing one day you might lose it!
Entitled!
You believe you deserve the world.
That it should be handed to you.
Blatantly disregarding responsibility of any kind!
When departing, you don’t take the time to consider all you could be leaving behind.
When someone points out something you have done wrong, suddenly your just unkind!
You think you’re the right answer to every question without hesitation.
You think telling me half truths count as no lies?
Honey lemme tell you I’ve seen thru you since day one
I know each and every time you have disguised where you went or why you didn’t return!
I see the desperation in your every motion!
Seeing the understanding of the pain you were about to cause, this one my dear is very new!
Tho to be honest I believe it to be more hurtful than all the other shit you do.
Before that desperation equalled a lack of understanding, meant a lack of control.
Sadly this time I saw you make that choice.
Tears in your eyes as you asked for that kiss!
Twice you tasted these lips before that lie spilled from yours!
I love you.
The words you spat in my face before turning your back on me!
Before you left me for her.
The final time you made your choice without the slightest clue that we might actually be thru!
That I refuse to be runner up!
I won’t allow you to settle for me!
I am far better than you seem to believe!
I am far beyond being left behind!
Runner up is no place for a beautiful woman like me!
You think I don’t deserve any of what you give?
That’s fine baby you give her all you got!
Cuz as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing left for me!
I’ve done all I can to try to make you see.
Too bad you probably won’t even realize it even as I walk away.
Tho you will one day!
One day soon when you realize all the ways you counted on me!
The same ways you wouldn’t allow me to count on you!
The ways I was always there even when you weren’t!
The things I’d do every single fucking day!
So many reasons I don’t even have the strength to say!
You have no idea the hurt you drove deep into my soul!
So many lies!
Now its just goodbyes!
That’s all I got left for you!
That’s the first thing I’ve done for me since I met you!
You’d think it would feel good.
I’m sure you’d think a lot more of me if you saw a whole lot less of me!
I can’t continue to be less of me just to make up for the mess of you!
This damage can’t be undone!
I don’t think I can manage to run.
I know tho, I can’t stay
I can’t keep believing the lies you repeatedly say!
No more games no more hurt I’m walking the fuck away and I ain’t looking back!
Its a shame, we really were too cute
Too bad we never did get on track
I really believed we had what it takes to make it!
I’m just too tired of trying to fake it!
Don’t worry baby, this feeling, I WILL shake it

by

Root

How is paper so improperly imposed?

Pushed down the throats of any and all and it shows!

Evil and vile the seekers behaviour.

Yet none stand trial?

More money means meeker the saviour.

Walking on water or so they’d have you believe.

Meanwhile they’re paying to have you deceived.

The rule makers and breakers so often one in the same.

Whoever holds the funds decides who takes the blame.

Watch how it’s done if you think you’ve got what it takes to play.

Just know you can always be outdone.

Winners are not chosen, those positions are bought.

Truth is not common knowledge nor commonly shared let alone sought.

If and when you’re right you should probably be scared, don’t matter if you came prepared.

Numbers are always rising.

Wondrous how some find it surprising when their number is up and it’s the end.

I don’t know how to change any of it for now, so don’t mind if i just sit.

While numbers fill the clips, I continue to fill the blanks.

Reminding myself to give thanks, for I am not another lost in the ranks!

Leaving my money lost in the banks.

Where wealth flows like rivers do and bloodbaths like children do.

by

Within, It’s What I See

Did I actually believe you every time you said I love you and goodbye?

Do you wonder if I believed every single lie?

That’s like asking if I believed blue is the colour of the sky,

Or if rainbows really are the sun’s way of shining beauty thru the tears the heavens cry.

I believed because I believed in you,

Because I saw the good thru all the bullshit and thought I could help it shine too!

Not because I am stupid, not cuz I don’t see thru it,

Rather because I chose not to believe all the negativity.

I chose not to be a victim of the doubt, not to see only what others perceived.

Quite the opposite really, where most are blind, that’s where I try to see!

When most disregard ones word, when most disregard the light and instead go by what they heard.

I choose to ignore the naysayers and the nonbelievers

I implore the way seers, the under and over achievers, question not what you see.

Question those who try to skew your view, shift your sight.

Question those who tell you what you see isn’t right.

Forget what they think you should know, even forget what they preach.

Deep down you know the real truth, the one they can’t keep hidden from you

You know! So don’t let them pass judgment, just let them pass by

No need to guide them, don’t even try

You may not have all the answers and those you do are only to the questions they refuse to seek.

Remember most important of all do not let hatred seep into your vision.

Do not let it taint or cloud your view, remember your mission and stay true to you.

Follow the road less traveled follow only your heartbeat.

Take time to smell the roses don’t envision them thrown at your feet.

We are no greater than one another.

We are merely a part of something left to be discovered.

We must work together towards the greater good and never forget the path we have lead.

Truth is all we must seek nothing in between.