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Awareness

I need a few minutes of your time friends and family, foes and a few I don’t knows, future somethings who currently feel like nothings.

Let’s discuss the darkness and  try to shed a lil light on a few things I hope most of you won’t have to wish you already knew.

See I have come to realize that I am entirely direly creeping closer to my expiry.

Depressed.

What??? I know right?!?

Well the truth is the people who always seem so selfless, the ones who care more than any one cares to.

Crackin’ jokes bout themselves when they have to, if that’s what it takes to pull a smile out of you.

The ones who seemingly never have a bad day or just can’t keep a smile off their face.

These are the ones ready to come undone, on the brink of the discovery of the age old question, is there life after.

These people, my people they smile for you cuz they don’t ever want you to know the depths of the pain like they do.

They don’t want you to see how low or worthless they feel cuz empathy runs FAR to deeply in them and they  can’t imagine moving any of that weight onto you.

Goin’ ’round crackin’ jokes pickin up people’s hope, the cost is merely a few more pounds on my coat.

That heart on my sleeve never stops beating or growing.

That pain that you got, it keeps overflowing, worry not tho I’ll clean it up without you even knowing.

My true sadness never showing.

When Robin Williams took his own life, I’ll tell you right now I was so fucking mad.

Not for the fact that I never got to meet him or any other obscurity.

I only got mad ‘cuz of my own insecurities, I got mad ‘cuz deep down I was afraid.

Completely terrified that I too one day may take a life that is so unfair and unkind to take.

Make no mistake, I’m not seeking attention, not by any means.

Those of you who know me, know full well how easily and happily I will cause a scene.

No, I’m  not seeking attention, I don’t want you to worry ’bout me at all.

I ask instead that you pay attention to those who surround you, who always seem so upbeat, so seemingly complete.

The ones who can always make u smile when all you want to do is break down n cry.

The ones who never need cheering up yet they keep cheering you on.

Please reach out to them if they suddenly become silent or for days  just randomly are gone.

Sleep is a great escape, don’t wanna be sad so in bed instead I’ll stay.

I tell you all of this in hopes we can help those who try so hard to go unseen.

So that maybe tomorrow we can all find a way to help ensure we won’t lose another soul who’s anything like me.

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Live The Way You Love

Funny lookin’ in the mirror yet I can’t look her in the eyes

Inside I hide so much fear from her,

Can’t let her see thru my disguise.

The pain still seeps in

The world awakens; still, she sleeps in

Letting it all pass by yet again

She hangs her head to cry

So lonely yet so full of love to give

Always searchin’ for help from above yet so low she chooses to live

Vowing one day she will let the sun shine in on her darkness

Somehow, some way she will turn all this sadness to bliss

There is no reason for anyone to not have what they need

No acceptable reason to plant the seed of greed

No longer will she allow herself to go with out

Refusing to let her judgement ever again be clouded by doubt

If only she stopped allowing the bad ones in,

She might see how much easier it could be to finally win

Her smile no longer she will fake

Another second of bitterness I honestly don’t believe she can take

This world, all humanity would prosper so greatly if we all merely did our share

If we only did things the way we all knew was fair

Never taking advantage of another for our own gain

Instead of stopping to watch what causes pain,

We could stop what created it.

Rather than fight, let’s debate a bit!

Take a lil time to listen to our fellow man, I bet we could come up with a mutually beneficial plan

Maybe take a chance

Find ways to change the world

Or just investigate it’s mysterious ways

A new view, seeing past all the games we used to play

No more excuses for committing crimes,

No need for catching people like fish on your line,

Isn’t anyone willing to make a sacrifice

In the end do you not see

We are the only ones to pay the price

Karma will come back for you,

Honestly it’s your choice if she’s nice

She only dishes what she’s taken

Still you wonder why your heart is breakin’?

If you think you haven’t earned this heartache, I’m sorry to say you are mistaken

She knows what we do, she sees all

She is not the reason you fall,

Though she could be the reason you can finally stand proud or walk tall

I realize my opinion may not mean that much to you,

That’s just fine, go on doin’ what you do.

You can take these words how ever you wish,

Just remember the same you put out,

Will end up back in your dish

©2013 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

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Stupid Cupid and His Lovely Mess

This stupid cupid has made a lovely mess
Not for quite sum time has he done his best
He’s a drunk, haphazardously flying around with a new toy

His shotgun of love
Loaded with love-bird shot amo he spreads lust and confusion everywhere he goes
In a world so full of delusion can we really expect any less?
Each shot hits more than just two, spreading an array of emotions some just cant wade thru
They drown their sorrows the best way us humans know how to
Drinkin’ up, “Keep ’em comin’, dont lemme see the bottom of that glass
Others they just obsess, oh this love sick game has become such a mess
No longer do we seek a partner rather a patsy for our crimes
Anything to avoid the truth
If u wanna be happy u gotta start with u and see that shit all the way thru

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Drip Drop

Just as I once again began to believe that there might actually be some one out there who really gets me.

I told myself it’s okay to open up, so I could invite you in.

Believing your intentions to be perfectly pure,

I looked past all our imperfections.

Facing the sun not a cloud in the sky, in all directions as far as my eye could see.

Suddenly I find myself caught in a shower of realization that maybe to me love truly is blind.

Feeling the wetness upon my cheeks while regaining the strength back in my knees.

“These drops didnt fall from these eyes did they?”

Surely they couldn’t have fallen from such an amazingly clear sky?

I was working on our foundation, could it be the irrigation burst on me?

Maybe it’s condensation?

Or is it just a lack of consideration?

Talk is cheap you see when it’s just tounge n cheek.

So I climb back into bed wide awake awaiting sleep.

Dreams can be so deceiving, especially when you chose to ignore the screams.

Please do not wake me, I fear how far I fell!

So tired now yet I still wonder “How?”

How can words be so hollow, how can this hurt be do damn hard to swallow?

How did I let n myself get back here, how did I let my guard down again?

So close I was to belief!

How close it feels to defeat, now I seek nothing but relief.

A stop to the sadness amongst my madness.

I’d much rather stay dry as I lie in my bed than to walk in the rain while you lie tellin me it’s sunny every day!

©2019 Shavon Taylor Cloversallover

🍀❤

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Dr.Phil Impressions Part 2

Shattered, scattered like slivers of a fabroge egg

The facade I had always hoped was no mirage just disappeared

Poof!

No proof I ever saw anything at all

No evidence to even suggest a fall

All this time precariously perched on the ledge

Dragged down the rabbit hole crashing, thrashing, smashing

Trying to break the chain attached to a ton of lead

Never saw it coming

Worse now I believe I may have reached the end

He can’t face me, refusing to see the hurt

Pain I so readily took for anyone else, just to give them a chance to take a better look

Always attempting to clear another’s plate of all their hate

Everything I’ve done, all that I do

Believe it or not was all for the rest of you

Taking from me what none have even tried to give

Risking it all for the others just to give them a chtance to live

Somebody please shake me awake, this is my worst nightmare, it cant be a dream

Pulling myself together this time feels so fucking impossible

This is something that just isn’t like me

I almost feel completely defeated

I can usually so easily beat it

Yet this darkness is creeping in on me and my hand just cant find the light

I try but can’t find a way to make it all right

We’ve spent literally days talking of the importance of truth

Then you lie thru your teeth cuz you don’t wanna check what’s actually underneath

Below the surface, just under my skin

Tearing a hole right thru

I may be used to this shit from the people who never bother to care

Never thought I’d be defending myself from you

I some how do get it, we both live to be destroyed

Never thought I’d have to be suspicious of you too

Cautiously, consciously, carefully cutting you loose

I don’t care what it takes for once I refuse to lose

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Dr.Phil Impressions Part 1

You said this is why you never mention things, “cuz it always turns into a pissing contest

I’m sorry dear I must contest, you haven’t mentioned shit since day one

I’ve been workin’ on tearing your walls down since our Dr.Phil left

I really must confess, that’s the happiest you’ve ever made me

Sad to know you gotta be a complete mess to even act like you might being ’round me

I’ll never forget that morning or the sweetness towards me

“Good morning beautiful!”

The exact words outta your mouth

All day long you held me near and kept calling me “Dear”

Tho we both know it wasn’t only Phil that transformed you

I’ll tell you right now if I could gain you back with one pill I still wouldn’t want you to take it

I want to find something real, don’t want you to hafta fake it

Just thought I’d let you know whats on my mind, no contest here it’s happiness I seek to find

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Responsible

I feel so alone sometimes

Usually that’s when I drift of into space in my mind

Often tho I find myself lost in there

Suddenly I’m confined

As my chest tightens I fear I’m running out of air

How can I be so frieghtening, even to me

These chains that hold me I know I can beat

For I know they aren’t real

Still I stay, unmoved

That’s not to say I do not feel

My past continues to harm me, I choose not to heal

Refusing to close the wounds, allowing none to disarm me

I know, tho rarely admit I am the source of my own insanity

I truly am the only one to blame, the only one able to make it all fade away

So why then you ask is this where I choose to stay?

Funny I ask myself the same thing every day.

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New

I should probably thank you for making it easy not to make yet another incredibly terrible decision
Yet I still want to tell you that you can’t even begin to imagine what you’ll be missin’
Sure I’m a mess, an explosion of colour and commotion
Tho a heart so pure and full of emotion
I care beyond anything words could even describe
“Childish” some may say, voices stained with distain
I like to think I live lightly while shining brightly
When it comes to the children, man do I speak their language
We laugh and play in so much of the same ways
It should come as no surprise how easily we just understand it
Some may think me unsure
Can’t say I blame them, I tend to skip plans like flat rocks on a still water surface
Those things that matter most you may notice are those on which I refuse to sway
Keeping time with the beat isn’t quite the same as keeping to the time of day
Sure I play games, in fact I play all kinds
My one golden rule?
Never play with anothers heart or their mind
Not a sore loser
Even when it feels I lose all the time
I always dance in the rain
Weather it’s in or outdoors
Sometimes I linger for a moment longer
I like to do like the dew
As those drops fall they wash it all to start something new
I thought for a moment that rain had passed but this morning I think I’ll be dancing again too

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Introduction to My Invisible Invicibles

Well done hun, I bet you even think you’ve won

I guess we’re the only one playing it’s kind of hard to lose

The master of manipulation: self-proclaimed since day one

You probably even think it’s funny how easily you tricked me

Truth is I think it’s funny you picked me

Not only am I the easiest mark, I’m easily the one with the biggest heart

Don’t think I didn’t see your shit I just chose, unlike most, to look past it

Every single second of every single day I wear my invisible invincibles: My Rose Colored Glasses

They allow me to see only the best a person or situation can be

They brighten up the shadows, hell they even bring you right up out of the shallows

Don’t think for a second you have set off my alarms

My heart is and always will be free of guards

No lock or key not even a single bar

Sure I get trampled hell I’ve been through stampedes

Sure you won the game

A game that I simply refuse to play

The part I really don’t understand is intentionally hurting someone who cares for you

I’m not looking for an apology in fact I don’t want to single thing from you

I just thought it might be nice for you to see it from a different point of view

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Dark Dirt

This man awoke every part of me

Every itch, every nerve

He touched every peice of me

every inch, every curve

Feeling myself arch towards him

Aching for that next caress

Waiting,

Realizing,

With him

He took my very breath

Still waiting

Trying to not go stir crazy

I’m too excited, he can see it

What’s next?

Skin on skin

I’m shaking like a leaf

“And yet we didn’t even begin”

He growlled thru his dark grin…

Afraid where he may take aim

Oh how I do love/hate his game

From fright to pure delight

He’s always just out of sight

Tho never out of reach

Do you love to teach

Or are you hear to learn