Bully’s Buddy

Some may be surprised to know I was picked on quite a bit in school. There are only 2 occasions I sort of remember. The only reason I remember these 2 occasions is due to me being the victor as well as telling the story a few thousand times. lol! Think about it really tho of literally hundreds of thousands of interactions loaded with rude comments and just plain mean things that were said I only vaugely remember 2.The reason  I am pointing this out is I have a much stronger more vivid memory of a Bully’s Buddy:

Years later, well after high school I was working at Subway making a sandwich for a customer when another walked in. I paused to say “Hello, I’ll be right with you” then turned back to the witty conversation we had been in the midst of. I’m not sure what was said but I can tell you we were having a good laugh, of course at no one’s expense. I then turned unknowingly, to Bully’s Buddy who asked “Your Shavon right? Shavon Taylor?  You went to Hope Secondary right?” I was surprised! I had thought I’ve never seen this guy before in my life but I said “Yep, that’s me!” With a huge smile. To whic he replied “I knew it was you I could tell by your laugh” those of u who know me know exactly what he meant and that he must have known me. I’m sure I looked extremely confused, mostly because I really was! He said “I don’t know if you remember me but I know you remember the guys I called friends, they quite often made fun of you, I never did! I never said anything mean, but I did laugh and I didn’t say anything to stop them either. It has really bothered me and I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” I couldn’t believe what was happening. I think I said “Thank you.” It brings tears to my eyes just thinkin about that day, I was completely blown away. I know he told me his name but I don’t remember it. I wish there were more people like this man in the world, or better yet ones who do exactly what this man wished he had. Stand up for anyone being treated unfairly, put an end to the cruelty and the nonsense until it’s no longer in existance! I want to thank my Bully’s Buddy from the bottom of my heart, I can’t even begin to explain the difference your words have made…not just for me hopefully you inspired more to stand up instead of falling into line. Maybe more children will do the right thing and less will have to grow up through a childhood like mine.

Just Me

I know most must think me thoughtless

When in reality honestly, I wish I just thought less

Judge not lest ye be judged?

I’m the one judging myself every day

Questioning my reasoning 

Puzzled beyond understanding 

In the light of day I’m outstanding

Very lil do I worry about what I say or do 

In the blanket of night my doubt is resounding 

When I turn out the light it begins

The internal fight, my eternal struggle

Attempting to quiet my numbing mumbling 

Next I’m annoying myself, thinking back remembering my off moments

That’s when it begins trying to retrace, to erase entire days 

Thinking of all the lil things, the stupid, silly, unimportant things

I’ve come to realize this process is unnecessary 

Who cares if I’m unruly, as long as I’m Me completely and truly 

I may make mistakes, so what

 I’m human 

So sue me

If you don’t like what you see then maybe that’s cuz you’re not really lookin at me

If you are then your just upset cuz you know I’m nothing like you 

I’m just Me

💚

The Line

I donno what goes throught your mind.

I donno what you think let alone how you feel.

I donno how to make it better, in fact I think I’ve failed each time I’ve tried.

If I told you I don’t need you, I’m tellin you right now I lied

If I told you I’m ok and then turned n walked away, you should know I cried. 

At the too of my stairs, wishin on stars made  no difference.

Find myself wishing I could escape this place.

Escape reality, break the confines 

Brightly irratic

I’m the color outside the lines

I have no power falling petal by petal just a delicate flower.

Loiked you in the eye, how could you have known I lied?

I gotta face the truth I’ll never be with you, you never were mine.

Just wanna see your smiling face around all the time.

If your wondering how I’m doin don’t ask just know I’ll be fine.

We both know it’s the end of the line. 

Bad Mix

When we first met planets aligned everything fell into place. Like we were the only ones not fast forwarding their race. The beginning is always sweet but with you…nothing had ever felt so right! Nothing in my life before you fit me so perfectly! Happiness growing with each new day. Who could have forseen the disaster to ensue. Who would have thought mixing a little wildfire with a tiny tormado could create such a stir. In the aftermath just looking around now nothing is at all natural. Nothing left untouched, we destroyed everything in our path while devouring each other. Suddenly  all the other stood for or believed in meant nothing to either of us any longer. Now I know this fact, for myself was a very rude awakening! I can’t imagine myself taking your needs, your desires, your regrets and putting them completely out of mind. I’m so sorry my darling, my dear! My intention was never to drive you so completely crazy! It’s no wonder you could no longer open your eyes at all to even attempt to see me! How could you when all you see is my everything everywhere. My mind, my world, it’s a disaster! The truth is I’m not ashamed, it’s too bad you couldn’t see past you may have found it was the same thing we were both after.

♡CloversAllOver♡

Care Fully

wp-image-1619756968jpg.jpgYou say you’re through, you’ve had enough.

You can no longer face it!

You say you’re heart’s gone cold.

You can no longer fake it!

Angry and bitter just hating the entire world.
You’re happy remaining faceless?

I know life’s hard, and I agree sometimes completely unfair.

Maybe it’s time to stopen acting and try to actually care

Care for yourself, forget everyone else!

It doesn’t matter what people think,  what you do is up to you!

Stop acting so damned helpless,  it’s okay to ask for help!

Remember you are NOT worthless!

Everyone makes mistakes, this is not the true test!

The best way to see the best in you is not in your misstep but in your recovery.

Not the slip, nor the slide, not even the the fall

What truly matters is getting back up!

The climb, the resistance to trouble, the sheer struggle!

None of this means much after all.

When you reach the peak, when you find the peace and the happiness you have for so long refused to seek.

Looking down, looking back at all you been through, everything you overcame.

Then looking out at all that now awaits you.

Breathless

Though not fom the climb or the torture you put your mind, body and soul through,

No, your breath is taken by nothing more than the view

Your future could be so bright if you just chose to light it up!

You can’t give in now, you can’t choose to loose

Imagine the stories you’ll have to share when looking back on this time from up there!

Imagone the courage the pure strength of will

All this insight and so much more for you to shate,

All I ask of you now is just CARE

Believe me when I say you can and you will feel like you understand  everything and everyone once you see the view from up there!

Fear

“It’s like I just turn off”

Your words, not mine

I just witnessed this power down mere moments after seeing me

Isn’t it supposed to work oppositely?

Instead of turning on, you flick off

Instead of lifting me up, you tear down

You think I do nothing but waste my…and your time

I don’t know if you noticed, but things are not fine!

Tho it may not show, deep down I’m a complete wreck

It’s like my insides are gnawing, feeding on me

Eating a hole so big, I’m surprised you can’t see right thru

I know I act so incredibly tuff and unbreakable, honey don’t you see this is my disguise?

You say you want to see beyond my mask?

Yet when I reveal the truth,  the pain

 Seems you only want to hide

I realize it’s not easy for you either

Pacing your cage, flashing eyes of a tiger

Meanwhile deeper and deeper digging into the dirt searching, reaching  like weeping willows

Tho my purpose for the water is only to wash away my tears

Can’t you see it’s the distance? 

I disdain, loneliness!

One of my greatest fears

Worst of all babe, lately I couldn’t feel more alone even when you’re right beside me

©Shavon Taylor 10/14/15                                                â™¥Clovers All Over♥

L♡VE

image

Love is truth, and love is magic
It’s behind every lil white lie
Love is ruthless, love is madness
It’s almost always the reason why
Love is blindness when you
thought you knew how to see
It’s the answer to every question unasked
Love is sound in complete and utter silence
It’s something you can give,
teach, share, even grow
Love is strong and love is weak
No matter the strength it’s the one thing we all seek
Love can’t be faked, nor
Is it something one could take
It’s in everyone yet it can get right under your skin
Love can hold you together, make you want to run away, or even be the reason you stay
So elusive at times you feel you’ll never win
Love is completely mad, simply drive you insane
If you could you’d give it all up for just one kiss in the pouring rain
Deeper than your darkest fear, closer than your very best friend
Love is the sweetest emotion you could ever hope to know
It’s what makes me a mess, pulls me apart, sometimes tears me right in 2
Love is just the beginning,
And truthfully I’m really not sure I desire to know the end