Dee Nile the River of Real Eyes-ation

Can you open your eyes and see more than just the river washing you away from me?

Is it really so much easier to deny than to actually allow it to be?

Continue on faking your way thru as you float astray

I can not hold you, if I could I still would not contain you

So go on living your cool cruel life the way you do

There’s no need for you to look me in the eyes

No need for truth, in fact I prefer your lies

I see right thru them so paper thin, where do I begin?

Shall I let go, move on and just find some one new?

Or do I wage this tsunami and fight for you?

This trip to realization has been quite tiresome

I almost can’t remember where it started from

Sloshing on, in this water I continue to tred 

Can’t we start over, fresh and new instead?

Why is it so impossible to get you outta my head?

Will I just float on forever like thoughts in the breeze?

Forever waiting for you to claim me?

This river is merciless, at times relentless

I find myself wishing, “If only you meant less”

Then somehow maybe I could finally free myself of you

Would you suddenly be the one racing to pursue?

They say if you love someone you should set them free

My biggest fear tho is that you won’t even stop to look back for me

Happiness

I lay awake at  night wondering how it all went so wrong

How could I let life slip away from me yet again?

How do I fix anything if I’m not sure how it’s broken?

How do I fix my heart if it’s no longer mine to repair?

How will I find happiness when all I see around me is sorrow?

Pain tends to be my closest friend, love the enemy I constantly battle

When I’m alone I try not to think, my heart plays tricks on my mind

I feel everything is best while it all falls upon the floor

How do I pick up the pieces of this shattered time

These hands, my hands are frozen, motionless just below the surface

I’m left grasping at thin air, one day I know I will find something solid

Until that day I’ll wear my mask of happiness for all to see, meanwhile hidden behind is a broken form of me

Happiness is the easiest emotion for others to see me portray, so readily believed

No one questions what seems so normal on the outside

If only you could see through the layers of this facade, or the energy it takes to maintain this image 

This game feels never-ending, certain to drag on 

Soon I will find a way love myself for myself

On that day I will find my own true happiness

©2010 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

All Anger Aside

Insanely infuriating at times when it seems I’ve completely lost my mind

Funny part is, it’s never my sanity I’m seeking, nope not what I’m trying to find

Just some insignificant object for some random project I’m doin’ just to kill time, fill the void

When that anxiety comes round I’m one you might actually want to avoid

It’s got nothin’ to do with you but I gotta let it out, or should I say take it out?

Either way I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talkin’ ’bout

So please just ignore it, or move along as I start to scream n shout, don’t take it personally

Whatever you do I only ask that you don’t point out the obvious or throw in your own sarcastic bitterness

That’s usually when my lil outbursts become a huge mess

I can’t…well won’t admit I’m wrong, not in the heat of the moment at least, that’s for damn sure

Silence I swear is the cure, hearing my own stupidity flung back at me

That unanswered accusation that usually makes no sense at all

Feelin’ a lil foolish and probably extremely embarrassed, I calm right down, and apologize real fast

See the truth is I am the best way to defeat me

Sayin that out loud even to me sounds so silly

Just know though truth is all I speak

I realized long ago it’s so not worth the work to keep up the lies

What’s the use in trying to hide?

Doesn’t it feel better to let everyone see what’s inside?

Wouldn’t life be that much easier if we all said exactly how we felt?

Better still exactly what we meant?

Things could be so incredibly different

Though it would help if more of us actually listened too

Maybe even did a lil more with our follow through

Hell, if that were the case I wouldn’t have to explain any of this to all of you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor