Tag Archives: Relationships

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Blinders and Binders

Used to be all that mattered to me was what you thought
Used to be what you thought was that I was everything you wanted, tho you knew I was exactly what you needed
Now I know you’re nothing of what I expected nor am I anything you can handle
You thought you could make me change my ways
I shone a light on thoughts and intentions of those who surrounded you till y’all parted ways
Funny how many I saw thru while you refused to make even so much as an attempt for me the same
In vain, so plain, you’d explain
How Everyday you suffered in pain
Silently I caressed every inch,
Trying my best to chase it all away
For some time, I know, you almost forgot that agony
How do I know? You used to wake up just happy
So happy and you used to just hold me
I felt so tiny and safe, like you wouldn’t believe
There was no place I wanted to be more
Then wrapped in my shield that forgot he was so sore, holding me “the way a man should”
Head on your chest, our legs intertwined
Looking back it’s so sad, all that was left behind
You made a point of celebrating me in so many ways
Even before that special day
One year later and you got up and walked away, okay if I’m being honest maybe it was me who stayed.
Whatever the case that was the first time I thought we might not be okay
You once went out of your way to make sure I was a part of everyday
Now you only seek to pull us apart in every way
You want to place blame?
Well hunny that’s a shame
Why don’t you go back to the beginning and try this again
You wonder where you lost me, it was when you stopped lookin
Lookin for or at me, when you started looking past and thru me
When you stopped listening for me it made it so impossible to hear me
Implausible, they say you fear me
Won’t let yourself get near me
Refusing to hear a sound, muzzled now
Like I’m 6′ under ground
You couldn’t hear me, even when I screamed
Blinders and binders they latch onto you
The earthly trail grounds you now
No air time, left me,
Hanging
Out to dry or just for dead?
Either way I ain’t waiting round to be found
I may have been lost this whole time, sadly tho I don’t believe you were ever even really there

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The Mess of You

The lack of respect shines thru every single thing you do!
From lies to borrowing with or without permission either way there is no appreciation shown let alone care for what isn’t yours!
The same goes with my heart tho it could be yours instead you’re refusing!
Like most things in your life you continue using.
Never fearing one day you might lose it!
Entitled!
You believe you deserve the world.
That it should be handed to you.
Blatantly disregarding responsibility of any kind!
When departing, you don’t take the time to consider all you could be leaving behind.
When someone points out something you have done wrong, suddenly your just unkind!
You think you’re the right answer to every question without hesitation.
You think telling me half truths count as no lies?
Honey lemme tell you I’ve seen thru you since day one
I know each and every time you have disguised where you went or why you didn’t return!
I see the desperation in your every motion!
Seeing the understanding of the pain you were about to cause, this one my dear is very new!
Tho to be honest I believe it to be more hurtful than all the other shit you do.
Before that desperation equalled a lack of understanding, meant a lack of control.
Sadly this time I saw you make that choice.
Tears in your eyes as you asked for that kiss!
Twice you tasted these lips before that lie spilled from yours!
I love you.
The words you spat in my face before turning your back on me!
Before you left me for her.
The final time you made your choice without the slightest clue that we might actually be thru!
That I refuse to be runner up!
I won’t allow you to settle for me!
I am far better than you seem to believe!
I am far beyond being left behind!
Runner up is no place for a beautiful woman like me!
You think I don’t deserve any of what you give?
That’s fine baby you give her all you got!
Cuz as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing left for me!
I’ve done all I can to try to make you see.
Too bad you probably won’t even realize it even as I walk away.
Tho you will one day!
One day soon when you realize all the ways you counted on me!
The same ways you wouldn’t allow me to count on you!
The ways I was always there even when you weren’t!
The things I’d do every single fucking day!
So many reasons I don’t even have the strength to say!
You have no idea the hurt you drove deep into my soul!
So many lies!
Now its just goodbyes!
That’s all I got left for you!
That’s the first thing I’ve done for me since I met you!
You’d think it would feel good.
I’m sure you’d think a lot more of me if you saw a whole lot less of me!
I can’t continue to be less of me just to make up for the mess of you!
This damage can’t be undone!
I don’t think I can manage to run.
I know tho, I can’t stay
I can’t keep believing the lies you repeatedly say!
No more games no more hurt I’m walking the fuck away and I ain’t looking back!
Its a shame, we really were too cute
Too bad we never did get on track
I really believed we had what it takes to make it!
I’m just too tired of trying to fake it!
Don’t worry baby, this feeling, I WILL shake it

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Halloween

Hall ‘o’s eve
Oh hallowed eve
Hollow is this this evening
Paint dripping from my face, quick paced away from this place
Internally screaming
Eternity haunting, grieving
Leaving
Unfeeling
I’m reeling
So deceiving, no descriptions 
New prescription, yet no healing
Barely breathing this hallowed hollow evening
Awaited invitation
Perceived pain revealing a darkend  endless swirling ceiling
On the floor want this hurt no more
Pawing, clawing, crawling
Hall ‘o’s eve not naive
I felt you leave me this hallowed hollow howled evening

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Ever After?

How do you continually say such hurtful sh*t?

Next you apologize then I’m just supposed to forget?

Like it all just goes away?

How can you say you don’t mean the things you say, 

When you say the exact same as you said yesterday?

How can you say you love this person you so venomously describe?

How can you spit such hate, while looking me dead in the eyes?

How do you believe you love me when all other evidence proves you’re beginning to hate me?

Why is it such torture when we are together?

Who am I trying to kid, when we’re apart it ain’t much better

Every breath, every moment, every word seems to go completely unheard, unnoticed

Underestimated is the pain of such misunderstandings

Tell me, honestly if we haven’t figured out how to be happy together yet, do you think we ever can be?

If we still spend every night like this will you ever attempt to understand me?

I realize nothing I do seems right to you,

I do things a lil differently than most I’ll admit

To be completely fair tho, it’s not like I kept it a secret

What is it you used to love about me?

​Did I somehow change so immensely, or did you just finally let go of trying to make me the person you think I ought to be?

Once you say something you can’t just take it back

There’s always some truth behind it, no matter how hard the attack

Some I wish you could undo tho because they feel like the sharpest knives in my heart and trying to slice right thru

My heart that’s where you generally aim your linguistic sword, always going for the kill shot

Each blow hurts so much more than you may have thought 

Yet I get back up, trying to hold on only to be pushed back down again

Fighting so f*cking hard to just ignore the pain while refusing to show my shame

I truly am so lost you know, no matter how hard I look I rarely seem to find my way anywhere

Do you really think I float so freely thru life, nothing in my head but air?

If only you could peek inside and see all these damn thoughts weighing down on me

I’m like a chameleon always in the background, seeming to blend right in

I just can’t keep up the fight any more, it’s really beginning to look like neither one ofus will ever win

Hurting each other instead over and over,

every day and every night

Aren’t you tired from this fight, 

because honestly it looks like there’s no end in sight

©2014 Clovers All Over

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Aching Acres

Windless whispers

Rustling sound of hushed secrets

Lost in the dusk

That twilight hour Before night gives way to black darkness

The scariest time of all

Lone dew drop in a desert

The last chance of survival

Can’t let those big fish swallow you no

So small and insignificant you  seem imaginatively

Immensely winding woods

Tightly knit forest of dreams

Thoughts pop to memories

New beginnings from sad endings

A fog has drifted, dispersed

Slowly slippin on this slope

Up about it all I will float

Looking down, wondering, hoping, considering

Change is in the breeze

Change no longer a disease

Shifting slightly, Walking, talking lightly

Letting it all just fall

This time it must work

This time I’ll find the answers to it all

©2014

http://cloversallover.com/legend–key-.html

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Daddy’s Girl

So young, so sweet, so innocent

How can this be, Daddy’s lil girl now an Angel to heaven she’s sent

No longer bound by the limitations of growing old

Never again will he be alone in his cold

She is free now to do whatever her wish, whatever she feels

Yet left here on earth is a hole in his heart he doubts will ever be healed

Eternal youth and beauty that’s how she’s remembered

For him I know there shall be no such day so cold as that day in December

How he must be hurting, I can’t even attempt to understand

All those memories will forever linger of the times he’d held her little hand

It breaks my heart to imagine how his faith too must have been stripped away that day

There are no words, no matter the strength of their comfort that will send his hurt away

How the world can be so cruel, I just can’t understand

Things can turn upside down so fast, no matter how hard you try to stick to a plan

Tears fall from many eyes on this day,

As they remember the beautiful soul taken long before her day

My only hope among all the despair is that he knows no matter the time, problem, or place

She will always be there, all he has 2 do is envision her face

A love between father and daughter may not be one to be considered rare,

Though I can tell you that love is one in which no other will ever compare

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com

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Breakdown or Breakthrough

I get so incredibly frustrated because it feels like I’m running out of time  

That and the fact that no matter how I try, I just can’t keep you off my mind

I’ve said I’ve let you go, but can’t bring myself to actually do it

You say you have no feelings for me, but I truly believe there’s much more to it

Driving me crazy as even the smallest sings you refuse to acknowledge

It’s so hard for me, living life precariously teetering on the edge

Mere moments from my next break, never knowing if it will be down or through

Funny thing is no matter which way I lean, it seems I’m always leanin’ on you

The one person who believed in me when no one else would

The only one to try to help me escape a world that you just never could

I’m not sure what you want from me, if anything at all

The one thing I do know is, you’re always there to help me up after every single fall

I can’t thank you enough for all you helped me through

I just wish there was a single thing in this world I wanted, more than I desire you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

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Saves Me

Saves Me

I honestly don’t think I’ve stayed so quiet in my entire life

I knew not a single word I said could comfort you

As if your frustrations with life weren’t enough 

You’ve now taken on mine too

No matter how hard I wished there was anything I could say

Deep down I knew silence was the only way

For me to actually just keep my mouth shut was really a great feat

I thought of the things I wanted to say, wordlessly in my seat

Holding my breath in attempt to hold back tears

In the void of all noise my head began filling with fears

Fears of loosing you completely

Fears that this quiet would defeat me

As you know I enjoy almost every second spent next to you

Even here mouth clamped shut wondering what I should do

So for now I’ll continue to hold my hopes up real high next to my dreams

Noiselessly pushing away the inner voice trying so hard to scream

I realize you had no intention to hurt me,

In fact that’s the only thing you have ever stated clearly

You even did so right from the start

You never asked me to give you the key to my heart

I swear tho, I will never speak again if the word you’re seeking is goodbye

It’s so hard in this dead air not to allow myself to cry

I’m not sure I will ever get thru to you,

I doubt I’ll even understand you, let alone the things you do

The only thing I do know is this

You really do drive me completely crazy,

Almost as much as you amaze me 

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

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Defend

Leaves fall faster when we stop to think

The earth spins slowly when he starts to drink

My emotions flow ravenously when I express

Time to grab hold, erase this mess

Always hold fast to your dreams,

Admire the beauty in every scene

Focus on yourself, your well-being

Tho don’t forget to watch what goes on around you

Find and gain strength in all that surrounds you

Let nothing, not anyone hold you back

None should you allow to drag you down

Life should be a journey, not a job

Enjoyment should always come first at home

In fact it’s almost all that matters

This time respect and appreciation are demanded

Refusing to stay like all the times before,

Know she won’t be leaving  empty-handed

“No longer will I be walked on”

It’s her turn to come out on top,

She’ll be holding the heart this time

I can’t continue watching it all unravel

As it sincerely breaks mine

That’s it, that’s all, not another “fall”

She’s starting a new chapter

That’s right she’s finally moving on

No more waiting, watching, wanting more for you

No longer will she lie down

leaving herself open to your abuse

Now and forever she’s

GONE

©2013 Shavon Taylor